Click below to download the Cornerstone Connections leader’s guide and student lesson. This week’s resources also include two lesson plans and a discussion starter video which offer different ways of looking at the topic. Each lesson plan includes opening activities, scripture passages, discussion questions, and real-life applications.
An icebreaker or something to get people focused as you begin.
Use one of the many apps available that changes a person’s picture so it looks very different. One
example is the Face Warp app which distorts a person’s face, either enlarging or reducing or totally twisting it around. This app is available through Google Play. You can find similar apps available in Apple’s app store.
You can also use Wombatica Software, or add-ons like Face Camera or Face Swap. This is a good way to engage the young people in a leadership role. They can do this with the rest of the youth either before Sabbath School or during Sabbath School by taking photos of people they all know
(like people in your Sabbath School or others well-known at your church). Prior to Sabbath School, have one person put together a collection of 5-10 photos that are distorted and have people in your Sabbath School guess as they come in to Sabbath School. Or you can view them as a group and see who can guess correctly first, or do this in teams.
Different societies have different ways of forming and practicing marriage. While each story is unique, many in North America choose their own spouse—usually through dating for a varying length of time—and could never imagine an arranged marriage. When Baby Boomers spiked the divorce rate in North America, the next generation chose to simply live together rather than even get married. Some things change, and others stay the same. There are still societies in which parents arrange the marriage for their children. Some use matchmakers who assist the parents in a mate selection for their son or daughter. And some societies require a dowry in which the suitor must provide some type of financial compensation for the bride’s father to obtain the hand of his daughter in marriage.
Depending on the size of your Youth Sabbath School, you can involve everyone or a few representatives. Here are four categories to draw out of a hat. It can be a male or a female who does the drawing, but, for this game, we are going to pretend that this represents the way they will be married. Here are six options:
TRANSITION: As we consider today’s lesson: "Winsome… And Then Some," marriage might be far down the road for many teens today. However, the person you’re becoming during your teen years will shape who you will be as well as whether you wish to marry and what type of person you might marry. And whether you get married or not, some of the qualities that make for a good marriage are also the same qualities that make for any good relationship, such as trust, respect, and support. Solid relationships don’t just happen; they are crafted over time by intentionality, while being shaped and empowered by God.
Create a video clip that illustrates the kind of qualities that make for a great person—whether it’s the qualities needed to be a good spouse one day or simply having a good relationship with friends. While romance and attraction have a certain chemistry, character traits are forged over time and they prove to be the bedrock for any relationship. There are all kinds of videos you can create, such as asking females what they look for in males, and vice versa. Or you can watch either of two video clip options that have already been created.
This isn’t coming from a spiritual foundation, but from a social science perspective. This short animation (2:15) identifies three characteristics of healthy relationships with the end goal of feeling good about yourself and your friend. You can use the follow-up questions provided (or create your own).
Alternately, you can view this video clip from more than a dozen years ago which illustrates how reality can be manipulated to give us unrealistic expectations for physical beauty, as shown in Video Clip.
What amazes you about this video?
What upsets you about this video?
Who is most affected by this video?
How important is physical beauty?
How do you make yourself beautiful on the inside?
Here are 10 songs related to today’s lesson: "Winsome… and Then Some." The topic of love often can be used interchangeably to represent God’s love for us and love between humans.
"Your Glory" is an original song, written specifically for Youth Sabbath School.
These are more approaches to the same topic as is in the Teacher’s Guide, but just a different way of looking at it. Expect activities to illustrate the topic followed by some questions.
BASED ON GENESIS 24:10–27, 57–67
What makes a person attractive?
For most people, it begins with physical attraction. That first impression usually has its basis on something rather superficial, but it still captures our attention. "She’s got a great smile" or "He’s so cute!" Each person has their own criteria for physical attraction and there are specific traits that individuals may prefer.
Even though physical attraction is what often catches our eye first, it can quickly be passed off as unimportant. Who wants a physically attractive person who is no fun, or an ego- maniac, selfish, dishonest, or cruel? Who wants to be around someone you don’t trust, lacks respect for others, gossips, and acts superior to others? The word "attractive" rarely follows someone with these characteristics, regardless of how "attractive" they may have seen at first glance. The old saying comes to mind: "Beauty is skin deep, but ugly goes all the way to the bone."
Early adolescence is usually when children begin to change into adults, resulting in developmental primary and secondary changes. Girls, on the average, hit puberty a year or two before most of the boys. And that means girls may feel a romantic spark at an earlier age. Eventually the boys reach puberty and start experiencing new emotions as well.
Physical attraction still makes a bigger impact with first impressions, so encountering people
who didn’t know you in childhood might yield a different response compared to those who were your classmates in 3rd grade. Longtime friends might be surprised by the first impressions of those who meet you for the first time at the age of 15 or 16.
At the same time, physical attraction isn’t all that matters in a relationship. Sharing common interests makes a difference since you want to do things with someone instead of just staring at their physical appearance. You might start to admire someone who has traits or qualities that you lack. It might make you feel more complete to attach yourself to someone who’s talkative when you don’t say much, or vice versa. Someone who is funny might be drawn to someone who laughs. But the new emotions that come with adolescent attraction can throw everything off—to extremes, and sometimes quickly.
As you learn how to process these changes and relate to people in new ways, the whole
answer to "What I find attractive" can change.
Give each person a copy of the handout "What I Find Attractive." Make enough copies for each person in your Youth Sabbath School. This handout lists a variety of things that different people find attractive, such as physical appearance, and also other important and attractive traits such as trustworthiness, athleticism, intelligence, humor, honesty, commitment to Christ, respect, good conversation skills, similar interests, fun-loving personality, kindness, and responsibility. You may want to add your own words or phrases for what you find attractive in another person. You may want to color-code these with one color representing the traits of highest importance to you, and another color for qualities that are nice but not essential. And pick a third color for bonus qualities that you don’t expect, but wouldn’t turn down. And possibly pick a fourth color for qualities that don’t really matter to you, at least not at this time. Invite Youth Sabbath School participants to share their top qualities that register on their "What I Find Attractive" sheet.
In Genesis 24, we read about Abraham’s servant, Eliezer, whom Abraham gave the task of finding a wife for Isaac—the son of God’s promise. Abraham sent Eliezer back to Abraham’s hometown to find a godly woman. Eliezer had to swear an oath to Abraham, plus he took treasures that would demonstrate that a young lady who responded would be well cared for as a new wife. While Eliezer prayed to the God of Abraham for success in his expedition, notice the characteristics of what he found. Here’s how it reads in Genesis 24:10–27 (NIV):
10. Then the servant left, taking with him ten of his master’s camels loaded with all kinds of good things from his master. He set out for Aram Naharaim and made his way to the town of Nahor. 11. He had the camels kneel down near the well outside the town; it was toward evening, the time the women go out to draw water.
12. Then he prayed, "Lord, God of my master Abraham, make me successful today, and show kindness to my master Abraham. 13. See, I am standing beside this spring, and the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water. 14. May it be that when I say to a young woman, ‘Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,’ and she says, ‘Drink, and I’ll water your camels too’—let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac. By this I will know that you have shown kindness to my master."
15. Before he had finished praying, Rebekah came out with her jar on her shoulder. She was the daughter of Bethuel son of Milkah, who was the wife of Abraham’s brother Nahor. 16. The woman was very beautiful, a virgin; no man had ever slept with her. She went down to the spring, filled her jar and came up again.
17. The servant hurried to meet her and said, "Please give me a little water from your jar."
18. "Drink, my lord," she said, and quickly lowered the jar to her hands and gave him a drink.
19. After she had given him a drink, she said, "I’ll draw water for your camels too, until they have had enough to drink." 20. So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough, ran back
to the well to draw more water, and drew enough for all his camels. 21. Without saying a word, the man watched her closely to learn whether or not the Lord had made his journey successful.
22. When the camels had finished drinking, the man took out a gold nose ring weighing a beka and two gold bracelets weighing ten shekels. 23. Then he asked, "Whose daughter are you? Please tell me, is there room in your father’s house for us to spend the night?"
24. She answered him, "I am the daughter of Bethuel, the son that Milkah bore to Nahor."
25. And she added, "We have plenty of straw and fodder, as well as room for you to spend the night." 26. Then the man bowed down and worshiped the Lord, 27. saying, "Praise
be to the Lord, the God of my master Abraham, who has not abandoned his kindness and faithfulness to my master. As for me, the Lord has led me on the journey to the house of my master’s relatives."
57. Then they said, "Let’s call the young woman and ask her about it." 58. So they called
Rebekah and asked her, "Will you go with this man?" "I will go," she said.
59. So they sent their sister Rebekah on her way, along with her nurse and Abraham’s servant and his men. 60. And they blessed Rebekah and said to her,
"Our sister, may you increase to thousands upon thousands; may your offspring possess
the cities of their enemies."
61. Then Rebekah and her attendants got ready and mounted the camels and went back with the man. So the servant took Rebekah and left. 62. Now Isaac had come from Beer Lahai Roi, for he was living in the Negev. 63. He went out to the field one evening to meditate, and as he looked up, he saw camels approaching. 64. Rebekah also looked up
and saw Isaac. She got down from her camel 65. and asked the servant, "Who is that man in
the field coming to meet us?"
"He is my master," the servant answered. So she took her veil and covered herself.
66. Then the servant told Isaac all he had done. 67. Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah. So she became his wife, and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.
It had been years since Abraham had seen his relatives. So much had happened in those intervening years. The story would have been different prior to Isaac’s birth. Sometimes it’s helpful to look back at what has happened during different years as a way of gaining perspective. This can be true of what you find attractive and what others find attractive in you. You may want to refer back to your "What I Find Attractive" sheet and ask yourself the following questions:
Isaac and Rebekah were attractive to each other as marriage partners, and physical appearance was only one element that made them attractive. While we often consider what makes another person attractive, perhaps it’s more important to examine our own traits. There are many components involved, and God can do terrific things to help you develop attractive traits.
BASED ON GENESIS 24
As you look at relationships are your main goals what you can GET or what you can GIVE?
Be sure to acquaint yourself with the story of Genesis 24. Wrestle with some of the things that are not commonly practiced in North America, such as an arranged marriage—is that godly or just part of the culture at that place and time? This might be a good time to have the students lean into a relationship with their parents/guardians and perhaps trust that their parents/guardians have their best interest in mind even in their dating/romantic life.
Another potentially challenging part of this passage is the fact that Abraham didn’t want his son to marry someone from the land where God had sent him. Yet the story also reveals that the majority of the people from Abraham’s hometown were just as scheming and idolatrous as those in the land where Abraham moved. As your students are navigating relationships, it is important that they keep in mind that if they wish to get married in the future they will want to look for a spouse that totally honors God with all they do.
Abraham was worried about who his son Isaac would marry, so he sent his most trusted servant back to his hometown to find a wife for his son. The servant, in the model of his master, leaned on God to find the right woman. Rebekah checked all of the servant’s boxes. In a twist, Rebekah’s brother, Laban, was more interested in Abraham’s gold than his sister’s wellbeing. In the end the servant was able to take Rebekah back to Isaac who then married her.
If your group has space, have students all move to the middle of the room, and then move to one side of the room or the other when faced with the two options that you give. Then move back to the middle of the room for the next statement. Another option is to have students raise their thumbs in a certain direction. Start with easy questions and end with harder ones. Feel free to adjust questions to your local context and group.
Would you rather:
Thanks for playing this game. It was enlightening. Did you notice that the last question relates to our Bible story today? Look at Genesis 24. I don’t know about you, but I find that sometimes stuff that happens in the Bible can feel pretty weird and like it doesn’t fit in our culture. An example can be found in Genesis 24:2–4 (NIV):
2. He (Abraham) said to the senior servant in his household, the one in charge of all he had, "Put your hand under my thigh. 3. I want you to swear by the LORD, the God of heaven
and God of the earth, that you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living, 4. but will go to my country and my own relatives, and get a wife for my son Isaac."
Okay, first of all, I’m glad that when I make promises I don’t have to put my hand under anyone’s thigh; that sounds awkward. But why do you think Abraham is making this request of his servant? (Field responses.) We certainly don’t do that today, but in Abraham’s day
a man’s "seed" or sperm was considered one of his most serious and precious attributes. Swearing by that would be similar to swearing on the Bible today for a person who has a high view of Scripture.
Hand each person a piece of paper and pencil and ask them to write on their paper one of their earliest memories as a child. Then have them fold their paper in half and put it in a container. You need a minimum of three people to do this, but a larger group of 8–10 makes it even more interesting. Have the youth line up on one side of the room and put the container on the other side. Randomly pick a student to go first (for example, the person who whose birthday is coming up next or the person who is the tallest in your group). Have this person run to the basket and gather the papers, read them silently, and place the paper in front of the person they think it belongs to. No one is allowed to speak or coach them. After the youth has placed all the papers excluding their own, the other students give a thumbs up or thumbs down indicating whether or not they received the correct statement.
If it is not correct the youth needs to pick up all the papers and return them to the pail; then pick another person to try the same thing and see if this person gets all of them right. Continue, without coaching, until all the memories match the right person.
Like a good and dutiful servant, Eliezer went and found a woman that fit all of the criteria Abraham had asked for, and she just happened to be Isaac’s cousin. Yep, that’s a little weird too, but let’s not get distracted by that—it was more common that you think in Genesis. But what I’d like to focus on next is found in verse 29–31:
29 Now Rebekah had a brother named Laban, and he hurried out to the man at the spring.
30 As soon as he had seen the nose ring, and the bracelets on his sister’s arms, and had heard Rebekah tell what the man said to her, he went out to the man and found him standing by the camels near the spring. 31 "Come, your who are blessed by the LORD," he
said. Why are you standing out here? I have prepared the house and a place for the camels."
I can quickly think of two motivations for Laban. His good motives could have been that
Eliezer was the emissary of a wealthy person; therefore, his sister would receive excellent care. The second option would be that Laban saw the wealth and was thinking of the bounty that he and his family would get if he could seal the deal to marry off Rebekah.
I’m honestly not sure of Laban’s motives, but it makes me think about my life and my motives.
From a story in another time and another place, the human and godly characteristics of having a heart OF gold or a heart FOR gold were played out in the actions and lives of a brother and sister who were relatives of Abraham. The sister would go on to marry Abra- ham’s child of promise and give birth to twin boys. The brother would also play a financially focused influence in the future as well.
BASED ON GENESIS 24
People pray just to talk with God. Prayer is part of a living relationship with God. Sometimes
we pray to praise God or to thank Him. And sometimes we pray because of a tremendous need—whether we are lacking something or confessing sin or going through a character-building experience or transformation. There might be a challenge or even a trial we face, and we turn to God for strength, endurance, hope, and victory.
Genesis 24 includes several prayers based on the need Abraham’s servant Eliezer sensed because of the quest Abraham sent him to fulfill. We’ll read Genesis 24:1–14 (NIV). Notice the pressure points on Eliezer:
1. Abraham was now very old, and the Lord had blessed him in every way. 2. He said to the senior servant in his household, the one in charge of all that he had, "Put your hand under my thigh. 3. I want you to swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and the God of earth, that you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living, 4. but will go to my country and my own relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac."
5. The servant asked him, "What if the woman is unwilling to come back with me to this land? Shall I then take your son back to the country you came from?"
6. "Make sure that you do not take my son back there," Abraham said. 7. "The Lord, the God of heaven, who brought me out of my father’s household and my native land and who spoke to me and promised me on oath, saying, ‘To your offspring I will give this land’—he will send his angel before you so that you can get a wife for my son from there. 8. If the woman is unwilling to come back with you, then you will be released from this oath of mine. Only do not take my son back there." 9. So the servant put his hand under the thigh of his master Abraham and swore an oath to him concerning this matter.
10. Then the servant left, taking with him ten of his master’s camels loaded with all kinds of good things from his master. He set out for Aram Naharaim and made his way to the town of Nahor. 11. He had the camels kneel down near the well outside the town; it was toward evening, the time the women go out to draw water.
12. Then he prayed, "Lord, God of my master Abraham, make me successful today, and show kindness to my master Abraham. 13. See, I am standing beside this spring, and the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water. 14. May it be that when I say to a young woman, ‘Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,’ and she says, ‘Drink, and I’ll water your camels too’—let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac. By this I will know that you have shown kindness to my master."
All of us face pressure points at different times in our lives. Some face more intense pressure points than others, and some face them more often. What are some of your pressure points?
You can do this individually or as a group. To make this an individual activity, give each person their own copy of the handout "Pressure Points." You can download this by clicking on the buttons at the start of this lesson (PDF or PowerPoint or Keynote formats). People can place a mark on each continuum. Notice that the last two are blank so each individual can write out their own personal pressure point.
You can also do this as a group. One way is to hand out only one sheet of "Pressure Points" to a group of 2–4 individuals. As a group they add their own marks to each pressure point on the continuums on the group sheet. They can then talk about these pressure points
and where they see themselves. The group dynamic can create openness or closeness, depending on the group, the day, and what the Holy Spirit.
Another way to do this as a group is to make the continuum an imaginary or masking tape line across your room. Identify which extreme is which and have participants line up along the continuum with reference to the two extremes and the line. If you have a large group, have 5-10 people respond to one of the pressure points, and then another group of 5-10 respond to the next one.
Most of us are afraid to ask God for signs or to put things to the test. With stories like Gideon and the fleece (see Judges 6 toward the end of the chapter) and this story of Eliezer, we tend to expect that God won’t answer. Perhaps we think such tests are only for those with weak faith or that we shouldn’t put God to the test.
But there’s no indication in these stories that we shouldn’t pray for divine intervention, answers, or direction. While it’s true that we have the Bible with lots of messages from God that are still true for our day (and these Bible heroes didn’t have a Bible at that time), we also have a God who is still active. Take some time right now to place one of your pressure points into God’s hands. Like
Eliezer, ask God for a sign. Put your trust in Him. Do your part. And wait for God’s response. If you’re still nervous about this, Read James 4. (Go ahead and read all 17 verses and see which one[s] God has especially for you at this time.)
Spend some time in personal prayer. You may choose to offer an opportunity for the youth to personally write out their prayers. Some may choose to pray them aloud or write them as symbols for personal privacy between them and God at this moment. Others might be willing to share with the group and even ask the group to continue to pray for them.
One of the challenges to prayer is waiting for God’s timing rather than our own. The same is true of this week’s theme of "Winsome… And Then Some." Qualities that seem attractive to someone right now might not rank very high in just a few years.
Do the activity "Qualities and Settings." You can print out two sheets here—one with thumbnail illustrations and one without thumbnail illustrations. Once you print it out, cut it into the five pieces for “Qualities” and another five pieces for the “Settings.” Have one button for the PDF version, a second button for the PowerPoint version, and a third button for the Keynote version. Draw out of a hat or a bowl or some other container one of five different attraction QUALITIES that might be common for teens. These include physical attractiveness, a sparkling personality, athleticism, capacity for deep thinking, and super video game skills. Have a second hat or bowl or container with five SETTINGS where a person might work in the future. See how the QUALITY a teen draws might match up with the SETTING the youth draws. Hopefully the teen will see the value of broadening their attraction qualities.
Eliezer faced some major pressure points on his expedition for a wife for his master’s son, Isaac. We also face a variety of pressure points in our lives. Prayer continues to be an important link with God for pressure, praise, testimony, and thanksgiving.
Let this spark your ideas to move from talk to action by living out the lesson in practical ways in your life this week.
The following three applications relate to the corresponding three "Bible Study Guides" above.
A. The application to live out the Bible study "All-Around Attractive" involves asking three different trusted friends to give you feedback or input on your top three traits that make you attractive. The three individuals for you to ask are:
B. Here are three ways to live out the second option from this week’s Bible study guides:
C. Take the "Pressure Points" handout home with you and place it somewhere you will see it during the week. Consider the last example with the empty lines for you to write in your own pressure point and the two extremes possible on the continuum. Then use this as a prayer launch like Eliezer did in Bible times and like you did during Youth Sabbath School. Let this be the way you handle pressure points from this time forward.
This bonus is just for the youth leader—a quick tip and an illustration to enhance your youth leadership. You may already know this, or you may learn it through trial and error, or maybe you just need a reminder of something you already know. Here’s a way to get it with a quick infusion.
It’s not unusual for teens to become self- conscious as they enter adolescence and all the changes that come with it. Sometimes just having a conversation is difficult. If you, as a secure and confident person, can get the conversation going, the easiest topic for the other person is an area in which they are the expert—a topic about them! Be genuinely interested and keep asking questions—not to interrogate, but to understand. Key phrases include, "Tell me more" and "And then what?" and "Are you kidding me?" Don’t expect the teen to ask about you, as that is unlikely to happen. Talking about what’s going on in the teen’s life is an interesting topic that will hold the attention of both of you.
Question: Is it OK to pray for a person to like you?
Answer: By all means—yes! In fact, that’s probably the first and best place to start! Note the first five words of your question: "Is it OK to pray?" Some people might suggest that there are certain things we shouldn’t pray for, such as praying for something bad to happen to someone when you’re angry with that person.
Others would say that praying for something you want for potentially selfish reasons isn’t the
correct way to pray either.
When I read Psalms, I find all kinds of prayers that seem to be "incorrect." For example,
notice these lines from Psalm 109, with my comments in parentheses:
"Wicked and deceitful men have opened their mouths against me" (verse 2). (I’ve got some bad dudes out to get me.)
"When he is tried, let him be found guilty, and may his prayers condemn him" (verse 7). (Lord, get him instead of letting him get me, and twist his prayers so they work against him instead of for him!)
"May his children be fatherless and his wife a widow" (verse 9). (Kill him!)
"May his descendants be cut off" (verse 13). (Go ahead and kill his children, too!)
"May the iniquity of his fathers be remembered before the Lord" (verse 14). (Don’t get just the family members after him; get the ones before him, too.)
"May a creditor seize all he has" (verse 11). (A total wipeout is needed, including his reputation.)
Read the entire Psalm and you’ll find that it’s the prayer of a person who is angry and
probably very hurt, too. Is this kind of prayer OK?
My initial reaction is "No, because David isn’t being very nice." But I once heard a sermon titled "I’m So Mad I Could Pray" that changed my mind.
The preacher described how some people hold in their anger and it eats away at them. Others decide to let it out, so they target their anger at the person who made them angry, even though that usually makes things worse.
The preacher pointed out that instead of holding it in or spewing it out, the place to go with your anger is to God, because God can handle it. Now, that’s quite a friend to have! The same is true about other intense feelings, such as wanting a person to like you. God already knows what you’d like, so it’s not a matter of exposing a secret. You can trust Him. I’m guessing that your question is about someone of the opposite sex liking you. I’d certainly make that part of my prayer life if I were you.
But the Bible speaks more about you loving other people than it speaks about other people loving you. Check this out: "Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another" (John 13:34, 35).
"You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" (Matthew 5:43, 44). Yes, I think it’s fine to pray that another person will like you. But then trust God with the
results.
You must realize that God isn’t a magical genie who merely grants wishes and then disappears. God likes you, but just because you ask Him to help someone like you doesn’t mean He will manipulate that person into doing it.
God is more interested in your becoming someone likable than He is in getting somebody to like you. So pray for that special someone to like you, and then be open for God to change you into a person like Him.